Sunday, May 25, 2008

One quarter

I am officially a quarter of a century old, as of yesterday. Twenty five is not scary to me, it's actually pretty nice. In itself it sounds like a good solid age, and for the place I am in my life twenty five sounds bit more mature than twenty four. Not that I feel more mature, but then that's not that point.

My actual birthday day kind of sucked, which was unfortunate considering how hard BL tried to make it, um, not suck. In truth it really wasn't that bad, it was just one small part that soured the whole day's outlook. Allow me to preface this by saying I have a younger (23) brother who is somewhat lacking in the motivation department. He is still living with my parents, I know I shouldn't throw stones but still- he is here by choice and hasn't left. Ever. He has started and stopped his education with two different colleges and if it weren't for my mom's diligence he would never have graduated high school. Great brother, right? Regardless of his faults, he is still my brother and I want to see him better his life. While we have been living here all under the same roof we have tried to push him to be more interactive (he's a bit of a shut in) and just really make him engage with life. Prior to this we have also encouraged his efforts to move forward with his education, though now it seems he may have been leading us on with his so-called attempt. Now going back to my birthday, we all had plans to go out to lunch for my birthday. This was common knowledge in the house, my brother was aware. Time comes to go and he is nowhere to be seen. The sh*t left twenty minutes prior for no apparent reason, suddenly he had business to attend to. My brother never leaves the house, he has no friends, no job, no outside engagements. He just left because a free lunch on my birthday was too much for him to commit to. This is not unusual behavior for my brother, and I shouldn't have been surprised, but I guess I thought maybe this time it would be different. It left me feeling hurt and embarrassed. Hurt because he dismissed me intentionally. Embarrassed because now I had to go through my day with my family and then BL's family all knowing that this is my relationship with my brother. At least my family expects this, but for BL's family something like this is pretty incomprehensible. It just left me feeling exposed, knowing that this would never have happened to them.

Sorry, I think I rambled a bit there. The point is the whole thing with my brother got under my skin. It plugged in to some deeper issues I have with him and just put me in a dark mood. BL and I did manage to redeem it by getting out for the night and catching a movie (Baby Mama, hilarious!). And today I had a second birthday with his family where I was spoiled rotten with food and gifts (I am going shopping!). So I am feeling better now. The slight is still there, and my "relationship" with my brother has suffered some more damage. Ultimately I came to realize that those who really matter were there for me and made sure I did feel appreciated. I love my family.

Now, the weekend in pictures:

I got to snuggle with this on my big day

Uncle Zach with MR assisting in the sprinkling of my cake

MR took a more hands on approach


Happy 25 to me, though the cake said 43 (thanks BL)


jessica @pianomomsicle said...

My birthday was on Saturday.

My 30-year-old brother who just moved out of my parent's house in April didn't even text me to say happy birthday or anything.

It's the weekend of irresponsible brothers.

Happy birthday! Sorry if 25 freaks you out. i don't think it's old. Once i hit 30's, though, i think i might have a problem:)

kristine said...

Happy Birthday! Yeah, I agree - 25 isn't bad. It made me feel like it was 'ok' to be a mom withone on the way being 25 rather than 24.
I am sorry things were so bad with your brother. It's tough dealing with those kinds of things (I have 2 brothers that I deal with that kind of thing with, so I completely understand)

Anonymous said...

Sorry about your brother :(

Happy Belated Birthday!! 25 was hard for me. Not sure why, it just was one of those birthdays I dreaded and the day of it, I wasn't all that happy. I turned *cough* 30 in March and have to say, it was far easier than 25.


Pregnantly Plump said...

I'm glad you were able to salvage your day and that you had a much better time at your second party. MR looks so cute while helping to decorate your cake!