Catching up

Sorry for the lack in posting, I have been sick, tired, and generally uninspired this last week. No pictures for this one either, we all have been sick (with several colds) the last two weeks and none of us has been picture-worthy as of late. To play catch-up and help me feel a little less behind here is what's going on, in list form to make it easier.

-My grandma was doing really well for about two days and then she went downhill again. Her circulation pretty much disappeared in her right leg and yesterday they did have to amputate below her knee. This has been a big shock for my family as this grandma has been the very picture of health for quite some time, and lead a very active and independent life. This is going to mean some big adjustments, especially for her.

-We started out last Friday with a cold for me, and then Saturday the mister caught it. We spend the rest of the weekend miserable and snotty and only started feeling well again around Monday. Then BL brought home a new cold and, hooray, now we all can share! Blech.

-BL's first week of work went really well. Exhausting, but well. He really thinks he is going to enjoy this line of work, but it is taking a lot of brainpower and hard work to take on all the new information and tasks being given to him.

-Daycare, well yesterday was MR's start back to his second week of daycare. Monday and Tuesdays he will be spending with my mom, the rest of the week he goes in with us to daycare. BL finally got to drop him off today for the first time, and reported back that MR was a little upset but was showing him around and said hello to the caregivers. Small steps here, but hopefully we are getting closer to better.

-Little Bean had another check-up yesterday and I am happy to report that despite my feeling like a bloated balloon I have only gained two pounds so far! Two!! I think that by this time last time I had gained about twenty, hopefully experience does help a bit. Especially since I am really hoping to avoid the gestational diabetes this time around, which I get to test early for next appointment (yuck). But to counter that, next appointment (Feb. 11th) we will hopefully get to see what we are having. I am really excited for this because I think that with this I will really be able to start preparing for this baby, especially knowing which direction we are headed. The Bean itself is doing well with a very healthy heartbeat of 160.

So you can see, some ups and downs in the list but generally I am hoping we are on the road to normalcy - or our version of it.

Worst week ever

Perhaps I shouldn't claim this past week as the worst week ever, as things can inevitably get worse and I know there are plenty out there with much greater problems than mine. But right now, here in my own little piece of this world, it was the worst week ever. And it has yet to end. The daycare thing is still horrible, though I do take comfort from the words of those who have been there before and tell me it will get better. For now though daycare means dropping my crying child off into the arms of a relative stranger every effing morning and walking away to his shouts for Ma feeling like the worst mother ever. Not my idea of a great way to start the day, and just one more added horror to this cruddy week. To add salt to my wounds my grandma is in the hospital. She went in early this week with a complaint with her stomach and they ended up finding a circulation problem with her leg which threatened to leave her with no choice but amputation if it didn't improve. Fortunately the last few days have seen improvement, but for a while there I was teetering on the brink of meltdown while considering this and realizing that in the midst of the week of my husband's starting his new job and our child entering daycare I would need to make an emergency flight to North Carolina. A pregnant lady can only take so much. Even with the knowledge that she is doing better and will hopefully leave the hospital sometime next week I am still so on edge. The next few weeks are only going to be variations of the same as we adjust to our new schedule and MR (hopefully) adjusts to his new daycare. But really, this sucks.

One quarter

I am officially a quarter of a century old, as of yesterday. Twenty five is not scary to me, it's actually pretty nice. In itself it sounds like a good solid age, and for the place I am in my life twenty five sounds bit more mature than twenty four. Not that I feel more mature, but then that's not that point.

My actual birthday day kind of sucked, which was unfortunate considering how hard BL tried to make it, um, not suck. In truth it really wasn't that bad, it was just one small part that soured the whole day's outlook. Allow me to preface this by saying I have a younger (23) brother who is somewhat lacking in the motivation department. He is still living with my parents, I know I shouldn't throw stones but still- he is here by choice and hasn't left. Ever. He has started and stopped his education with two different colleges and if it weren't for my mom's diligence he would never have graduated high school. Great brother, right? Regardless of his faults, he is still my brother and I want to see him better his life. While we have been living here all under the same roof we have tried to push him to be more interactive (he's a bit of a shut in) and just really make him engage with life. Prior to this we have also encouraged his efforts to move forward with his education, though now it seems he may have been leading us on with his so-called attempt. Now going back to my birthday, we all had plans to go out to lunch for my birthday. This was common knowledge in the house, my brother was aware. Time comes to go and he is nowhere to be seen. The sh*t left twenty minutes prior for no apparent reason, suddenly he had business to attend to. My brother never leaves the house, he has no friends, no job, no outside engagements. He just left because a free lunch on my birthday was too much for him to commit to. This is not unusual behavior for my brother, and I shouldn't have been surprised, but I guess I thought maybe this time it would be different. It left me feeling hurt and embarrassed. Hurt because he dismissed me intentionally. Embarrassed because now I had to go through my day with my family and then BL's family all knowing that this is my relationship with my brother. At least my family expects this, but for BL's family something like this is pretty incomprehensible. It just left me feeling exposed, knowing that this would never have happened to them.

Sorry, I think I rambled a bit there. The point is the whole thing with my brother got under my skin. It plugged in to some deeper issues I have with him and just put me in a dark mood. BL and I did manage to redeem it by getting out for the night and catching a movie (Baby Mama, hilarious!). And today I had a second birthday with his family where I was spoiled rotten with food and gifts (I am going shopping!). So I am feeling better now. The slight is still there, and my "relationship" with my brother has suffered some more damage. Ultimately I came to realize that those who really matter were there for me and made sure I did feel appreciated. I love my family.

Now, the weekend in pictures:

I got to snuggle with this on my big day

Uncle Zach with MR assisting in the sprinkling of my cake

MR took a more hands on approach

Literally

Happy 25 to me, though the cake said 43 (thanks BL)

The other side

Well, we made it. We are still terribly tired and I am still struggling to string two words together and one foot in front of the other. But, we are here. Spokanites no more, Vancouver/Portlanders from now on. It's nice to know that there is no going back, that we have no more ties to the old city. All of our belongings are either in our POD (in storage) or underneath BL's parents house. Or in the room in which we are currently residing, my old room in my parents house. This is not ideal of course, and we hope it will only be for a few months time. It will need to be, for all our sakes.

Tomorrow I go back to work. Of course I have been "back" to work since MR was four months old, but tomorrow I will be going back in to the office, returning to a forty hour work week instead of my thirty, and not seeing my baby all day. It's pretty hard to take right now, I know there will be some nice aspects. Lunch will actually happen everyday. I will have conversations with real live adults. I will wear something other than my yoga pants to work. Right now though all I can think about is how I won't be spending all day playing with my boy, watching him grow, and my quality time will have to be squeezed into two hour packages at the tail-end of each work day. I'm sad. Can you blame me? Look at what I will be missing. This:

And this

Things are better on the family front, better than they were at least. Thanks so much for all of your well wishes, it's nice to come back to the internets and see your kind words. BL's father was only in the hospital for 48 hours and the surgery went well. Unfortunately he already had to resume chemo today, so cross your fingers that we don't have another relapse. Things with BL's grandfather are a little awkward right now, everyone seems to be avoiding the subject. Considering how much else we have on our plate, we have just been playing along with this. *sigh* We are here though, and we are together, so that is something to be thankful for in itself.

Coherence currently not available

Alright, the last 24 hours have been a mess. This is going to come in bullet form because I can barely speak a full sentence, let alone express whole thoughts on the computer.

-We are *this* close to being finished with packing and cleaning up the house. PODS comes tomorrow morning, and then we will spend all tomorrow cleaning up for our walkthrough on Tuesday.

-Our poor MR is freaking out about all the changes going on around here. His room has officially been dismantled and he really seems to have noticed the lack of his usual comforts. He is extra fussy and and quicker to cry. Naps have not been happening really. This simultaneously drives me up the wall and breaks my heart.

-We were at the U-Haul store to pick up a trailer for extra junk we will be taking with us and we got a call from BL's sister. BTW, Grandpa B passed away this morning. Oh, and BL's dad is back in the hospital. Emergency surgery to repair an infection. From the effin chemo. This.never.ends.

-I got nothing else. I'm sore from moving, I am emotionally drained from holding back the tears, and I am in desperate need of sleep and maybe a beer.