Friday, February 29, 2008

Leader of the pack

In the grand scheme of things I am pretty young for a mother. Mid-twenties is not unheard of, and certainly not stigmatized the way a smaller number might be, but still I am ahead of the game when compared to the rest of my friends. This leaves me a bit lonely I am afraid. I continue to maintain friendships with a handful of people who I have shared my high school and college years, a number of those very close friendships. Amongst friends there always has to be a first, lucky me that this is my role. BL and I got married before the rest of them, but then this didn't necessarily set us too far ahead of the pack since we did have friends in long-term relationships and on the cusp of moving forward as we had. Married people are at least semi-relateable to the singles, slip into child bearing and things change a bit. My friends continued to be the loving and supportive people they always have been, but unfortunately it seems that being a parent is just one of those things you will never truly understand until you experience it for yourself. I can attempt to drag them into understanding my world, but really it just can't sink in.

I have come to accept this, actually I came to accept this a while ago and decided to take action. Make new friends, keep the old. I set out to make mama friends, and I did, but apparently life contains more surprises than just new parenthood. BL and I have lived in the same city we went to college in for (off and on) the last seven years. We never intended to settle here for good, but we also had a timeline for our escape as well. Things changed a bit when BL's dad was diagnosed with cancer midway through 2007. To make an incredibly long and complicated story unfairly short, we have been trying to get back home and out of this damn city ever since then. So mama friends fell by the wayside. Instead came the focus for job searching and frequent trips home. We are getting closer, and come hell or high water we will leave soon, but until we make the move and get settled again I just don't have the heart or time to make new friends that I would soon be leaving anyways.

So for now I am left wanting... and secretly hoping one of my friends gets knocked up. One can hope right?

A very good place to start

At the very beginning, that is. I've decided to start this blog because I need an outlet. I have had and kept a "friends and family" blog for my little boy (MR) for almost a year now, something I have truly enjoyed and will continue to do. But. I am ready for something a little different. I feel that I have so much more to say about being a mom and living my life as one that I don't necessarily want to share with my family. I am sure that I am not the only one who feels leery at the idea of their aunts, and in-laws, etcetera being privy to their inner-workings as a mother. I like to think that I am open with my family, but still, there has to be a line. So I find myself here, wanting and needing to write about what really goes on in the background of my child's milestones and daily life. Whether I find people who want to read this isn't really the point, I think it's just time I tried exercising my own voice.