Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Two and through?

So with this new development of ours, the little bean, BL and I have come upon a new topic of discussion: will we be done after two? Way back before marriage and especially before babies we both agreed that we wanted three kids. Of course it is easy to throw out a number before you truly enter the reality of parenthood and experience all that follows. BL comes from a family with three kids, I come from one with just two. From my own personal experience, I thought I wanted three because between just me and my brother there didn't seem to be enough. So I thought about the concept of three, and when BL deemed this his ideal number I assumed that this must just be how it was meant to be. After having the mister I knew that I wanted another one. True, there were some days where I wondered if I could truly embrace the concept of another child (and starting it all over again), but I knew deep down that I wanted him to at least have one sibling. I wanted him to have more to his family than just me and his dad. So here we are, things willing, beginning down the road to give him that. Which has brought us back to revisit this topic. I had started to think it over inside my own head this past week, and apparently so too had BL as he brought it up last night. Frankly, I think I could be content with two. We really will need to reconsider what, if any, deep reasons we had for wanting three in the first place.

One important reason for us to really be having this discussion is because the way that this current pregnancy culminates will have a lot to do with our future family planning. MR was a c-section baby, due to my gestational diabetes and his large size. I am already actively working to try and avoid another round with the diabetes, though my genetics may have more to say about it than I do. Having a big baby will probably be inevitable, BL himself was 11 lbs and his siblings were all no less than 10 themselves. I was a puny 7 lbs, but considering that MR was nine it seems our children are destined to fall somewhere in the middle ground. I am not gunning for a VBAC, if it happens it does, but I won't cling to the hope of one. I will wait to see where we are at as things progress and we will make a decision based on what is best for the baby. If things end in another c-section and we are certain that we will only want two children, then there is nothing barring my getting my tubes tied while they are in there. This, however, is a very permanent decision. Surprisingly, considering his prior vociferous objections, BL has willing volunteered to get snipped himself if we come to that decision, seeing as his could always possibly be reversed. This is a lot to think about.

What is everyone else's opinion? Are you one and done, or do you hope to add one or more to the family? I know how I am feeling, I am just wondering what other people's reasoning for adding, or not, to their numbers. Thoughts?


Jamie said...

I struggle with the thought of another child. Mostly because of the treatments I will have to endure to become pregnant again. We are planning to hop back on the IVF bandwagon in January in order to at least attempt to give Bo a sibling.

I have to speak up though-- please, neither of you should permanently alter your fertility. Use condoms. Use birth control. Use both. But having your tubes tied or a vasectomy is permanent (reversals of both have a very low success rate). You never know what is going to happen. What if (heaven forbid) one of you dies? What if you do end up divorced? What if you change your mind and do want another down the road? I have witnessed too many people in the blogosphere who have had to deal with issues such as these.

Maremone said...

Catchy title :)

It seems like both hub's and my family sigh and say "you're done now right?" after each baby. I think they are worn out by the thought of chasing after kids so close together in age. I am actually getting irritated at people assuming I"m now done. I love my kids, I love having kids and thankfully pregnancy is really nice to me so I just keep going. NOt to mention that despite being on birth control I;'ve gotten pregnant twice!!! I don't know if I really have a choice how many kids I"m going tohave. It seems like God just works through whatever contraception we are using.

Holding my one month old in my arms, with labor still very fresh in my mind I still can't imagine this being the last baby Boston. We've always said 4 kids. But I want one more and to adopt from Cambodia. We'll see.

kristine said...

We always said 3 or 4 kids. Well, after two, we are definitely content with 2. One of the reasons we say we are honestly good is that we don't have more than what can each take on. You know? There aren't outnumbering us and that's what we're comfortable. I also thought it was hard going through a pregnancy (since I have rough ones) with a toddler running around needing to be taken care of all day. I can only imagine this gets harder with each kid you have.
I think if it happened and we got pregnant with another, we would be overjoyed but we're not planning one and we're also not planning a permannent fix right now, either.

kristine said...

oh and also.. if you find out the gender, and it turns out to be a girl... be prepared to answer this question (however you want to, of course) A LOT! Everyone assumes because you have one of each, it's perfect and you don't need anymore!

Pregnantly Plump said...

As an only, I've always wanted at least two children. While my pregnancy was relatively uneventful, the delivery was pretty scary. If we go through that again, I definitely would consider calling it quits at two.

Ann(ie) said...

I just got some good news, too. :) I think I'm right b/h you!! This will be fun to have a blog buddy at the same stages!! I had gest diabetes, too. ug. BUt, I didn't go full term, Ben came almost 6 wks early due to placenta previa. It was scary! We're going for two b/c that's all the daycare we can afford and we're old. :)

jessica @pianomomsicle said...

My hubs has always wanted three, and i've always wanted two, which conveniently is how we each grew up. Well, now that i have two, i am kind of wanting another, simply because i forgot how sweet a teeny baby is. Even though, while pregnant, i promised myself i'd try to remember how much it sucks, now that i hold a teensy little girl all day, i find myself being dangerously close to wanting another one. And like, within the next year and a half or so.

i'd agree with Jamie: getting tubes tied is super permanent and a little scary, IMHO. There's always Mirena, which is like what? 5 years without taking a pill OR a pregnancy test.

Anyway, i'm so happy you're preggo again, and it seems to be good timing with your life.

*Disclaimer* all the above opinions are just that: opinions. Anything you choose to do will be met with absolutely no judgement from me, because you alone know what's best for you. :)